I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
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Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I am naked and annoyed.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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