dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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