she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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