is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
please come you make the beer taste better
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
