I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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