hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
