I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
