6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
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she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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