So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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