HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
