I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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