Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
