i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When did angry sex become our thing?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Everyone says I win the strip club
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
