p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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