Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
