Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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