I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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