I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
