I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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