ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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