I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
