Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
