Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
