she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
