he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
