Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
