so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
