Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
