When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
