wanna go halves on a baby?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
