..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
