I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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