so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
