I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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