this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
