I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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