guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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