My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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