My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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