please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
