she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
