How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
