just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
