Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
