How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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