So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
