You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
