sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize