I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
