You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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