Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
