he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I did not marry a roomba.
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