what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
