i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
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so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
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I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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