It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
