he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
