PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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