yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So squirting runs in the family.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
