Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
