There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he shaved USA in his pubs
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
