I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Can I color on your dick again?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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