I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
