is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
