Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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