soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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