sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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