you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
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