The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
