I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
