I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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