My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So here I am, sexting at work.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
