Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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