wrigley field is MILF paradise
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
