so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
