i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
