This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
