worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
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We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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