Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
two words: eviction party
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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