Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
