Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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