I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
